My Partner & Me – Living in Different Worlds?

Learn the art of “crossing the bridge” to end communication breakdowns

I’m spending this fall exploring a pattern in relationships that tends to trip most of us up — how do we stay connected even when we see things differently? Last month’s post, Want Fewer Arguments, focused on the power of validation in relationships, especially in conflict — and how the tiny phrase, "You make sense," can soften defenses and remind your partner they’re not alone in their experience. This month, we’re going a step further: into the art of actually crossing the bridge into your partner’s world. (As I mentioned last month, this one’s for you visual learners — for anyone who learns best through pictures and metaphors.)

A Bridge Between Worlds: Finding Connection When You’re Living in Different Worlds

Picture this: you and your partner stand on opposite sides of a bridge that connects your two worlds, looking at something that has just happened between you — something that stings. Maybe there’s mist between you. Maybe you’re each holding your own carefully labeled map of what really happened. From your side, the view makes perfect sense. From theirs, it looks entirely different — and it also makes perfect sense to them.

This is because you’re not just looking at the same world from different angles; you’re standing in different worlds altogether — each with its own history, events, and memories that shape the landscape and what’s seen.

In moments like this, we often try to shout our truth across the gap. Sometimes we even reach for louder megaphones. But true understanding doesn’t come from more forceful shouting; it comes from crossing over.

The Bridge as a Metaphor for Connection

Therapist and teacher Hedy Schleifer uses the phrase crossing the bridge to describe what happens when one partner leaves their own perspective for a moment and steps into the world of the other. (If you’d like to see her explain this beautifully, you can find her TED Talk, The Power of Connection, here.)

Crossing the bridge doesn’t mean abandoning your side of reality. It means setting it down long enough to see what life feels like from your partner’s side. Each of us lives in a world built from our stories, experiences, and meanings — and when we cross the bridge, we’re saying, “I want to visit your world long enough to see how things fit together for you.”

That’s usually the moment when the phrase “You make sense” starts to become real — not as a technique, but as a quiet recognition: Oh, this is how it is for you.

When you and your partner see things differently, imagine a bridge between your two worlds — sturdy enough for both of you to stand on, and a way to "cross over" to their world.

Neighborhoods Within the World

When you cross that bridge, you’re not touring the entire country of your partner’s inner life — you’re visiting a single neighborhood. Maybe it’s the neighborhood called Feeling Ignored or Not Being Heard. Each neighborhood has its own characteristics — colors, weather, buildings, soundtrack — however you want to imagine it.

Seeing this helps us remember that an argument or pattern doesn’t define the whole person. Even if you keep ending up in the same neighborhood, that doesn’t mean your partner is that neighborhood. When we feel like we’re living in different worlds, this perspective helps us stay curious instead of critical — it reminds us there’s always more to discover.

And every time you visit, you might notice something new — a light on in a window that wasn’t there before, a little glimpse of recognition: Hmmm, this makes a little more sense now.

Why the Metaphor Helps

• It makes empathy tangible. You can picture yourself actually walking toward your partner with the intent to understand, which helps shift your brain from defense to curiosity.

• It grounds “you make sense.” Once you’ve crossed over, understanding comes more easily — not as agreement, but as recognition.

• It honors two realities. You can visit your partner’s world without losing your own.

• It names the truth of separateness. The bridge exists because there’s a gap to cross. It honors the beautiful, sometimes challenging fact that we are two distinct people with unique inner worlds — and connection is the conscious act of building a link between them.

• It’s a gentle reminder: there’s always a way across, even when the gap feels wide.

Try This at Home: Imagine Your Bridge

Take a few quiet minutes — separately, at first — and imagine a sturdy, beautiful bridge connecting your world with your partner’s world. What is it made of: stone, wood, glass, light? Is it arched, suspended, covered in beautiful vines? What’s the landscape around it — mountains, forest, sea, stars?

The goal is to picture connection itself as something strong, real, and within reach.

When you’re ready, share your images with each other. Describe what you see. Notice how it feels to imagine something solid linking your two worlds.

A Simple Practice for Afterward

Choose one small gesture or phrase that reminds you of this bridge. It could be as simple as saying, “I’m crossing the bridge now,” before a tough conversation — or placing your hand over your heart as a quiet cue to step toward understanding.

Each time you use it, the bridge strengthens. And each crossing makes “You make sense” a little easier to say — and to mean.

Closing Reflection

The bridge doesn’t erase your differences. It simply helps you accept that they’ll always exist — and shows you a way to meet across them. It also reminds you that seeing your partner’s side doesn’t mean giving up your own; it offers a way for both worlds to exist, side by side. It’s where curiosity lives and connection happens.

Next month, we’ll look more closely at what to do when your experiences don’t match — and how to move through those stuck places without getting lost in who’s “right.”

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Practice Update!

If you subscribe to my monthly newsletter, you’ve already seen this month’s practice update — but for those reading here, I’m excited to share that Scott and I will be hosting our next Getting the Love You Want couples workshop November 7–9, 2025 in Summit County. It’s our final workshop of the year, and we’d love to have you join us. You can find more information here.

If you’d like to be kept in the loop about upcoming workshops — or simply want to receive future blog posts and practice updates like this one directly to your inbox — you can sign up for my mailing list here.