A Relationship Review for the New Year
- Nichole Hart
- Jan 13
- 4 min read
A way to look back together—without fixing, blaming, or overthinking it.
January has a way of nudging us toward reflection—sometimes subtly, sometimes with the force of a thousand “new year, new you” messages.
In relationships, that pressure can quickly turn into questions like:
Are we doing okay?
Should we be working on something?
Is this where we thought we’d be by now?
In this post, I’m sharing a way of thinking about a relationship review—but not that kind of review.
What follows is an invitation for you to pause together—not to fix, improve, or overhaul your relationship, but simply to notice it. To reflect on what you shared, what mattered, what stretched you, and what you might want to carry forward.
Later in this post, I’ll share a short set of reflection prompts you can use together—meant to be approached slowly, selectively, and without pressure. Think of it less as an evaluation, and more as a conversation you don’t often make time for.
Why a Relationship Review Can Help Couples
Most couples spend a lot of time talking about life—schedules, logistics, decisions—but far less time talking about the relationship itself. Slowing down to reflect together helps build shared meaning: a sense of this is what we’ve been through, and this is how we experienced it.
There’s also a simple brain-based reason this kind of reflection helps. Our nervous systems are naturally wired to notice problems and threats more quickly than what’s working. Pausing to name appreciation, connection, and growth helps rebalance that attention. And when couples feel understood and seen—especially through reflective listening—the nervous system tends to settle, making it easier to stay connected even when conversations are harder.
This kind of relationship check-in doesn’t need to be long to be meaningful. Even a short, intentional conversation can gently shift how a relationship feels, providing a sense of connection as you move into this new year together.
How to Use This Reflection
A few important permissions before you begin:
You don’t need to answer every prompt.
This isn’t meant to be completed in one sitting.
There are no “right” responses.
Pause where something feels meaningful. Skip what doesn’t fit. Make sure this feels like a conversation, not an assignment.
A Note About Listening and Reflective Communication
If you’d like, you can use reflective listening (sometimes called mirroring) as you share your responses.
The structure is simple:
One partner speaks.
The other reflects back what they heard—without fixing, correcting, or defending.
Then you switch roles.
A few phrases are important:
“What I heard you say was…”
“Did I get you?”
“Is there more?”
This kind of listening helps people feel seen and understood—and that alone can be deeply regulating and connecting. (If you’d like a clearer explanation or example, I’ll link a short guide to reflective listening here.)
The Relationship Reflection
What follows is a small collection of reflection prompts—not a form to “complete,” but an invitation to notice and share. You might respond to just one or two together, or come back to them over time.
The Year We Shared
Something about us that I really loved this past year is…
Some memories that still bring a smile are…
One way I see that we grew as a couple is…
What stands out most about “us” from this past year is…
You & Me Inside It
Something I particularly admired and appreciated about you this past year is…
Something I particularly admired and appreciated about myself this past year is…
Something I value that I’ve learned about myself through being in relationship with you is…
What We’re Carrying Forward
A quality (ease, curiosity, play, steadiness) I’d love to cultivate more between us this year is…
Something about us that I want to protect and keep doing is…
Something that felt challenging between us this past year was… And one way I might try approaching that with more care or awareness is…
Something I’d be curious to explore with you this year is…
In Closing
Conversations like this work best when there’s breathing room—no expectation that they lead to big decisions or dramatic changes. Often, their value is in the simplicity: slowing down long enough to say, “This is what this year was like for me. This is how I experienced us,” and having that experience received and reflected back.
May you be gentle with yourselves and curious about what you discover. Here’s to noticing what matters.
This kind of shared reflection and listening is at the heart of my work with couples, both in ongoing therapy and in the relationship workshops my partner and I facilitate. The focus isn’t on eliminating conflict or getting things “right,” but on becoming more aware, more intentional, and better able to stay connected through whatever shows up.
If you’re interested in exploring this work in a more guided way, our next Getting the Love You Want couples workshop will take place March 6–8, 2026. It’s a weekend designed to help couples slow things down, understand their patterns, and practice new ways of listening and responding—together…all while having some fun in the process.
If you’d like to learn more about the workshop, you can do so here.
If you’re not on my mailing list and would like to receive future posts like this, along with occasional relationship resources and workshop updates, you’re welcome to sign up here.
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