Plant Medicine
Spirit Allies
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Personal
My journey with plant medicines has unfolded over the past 7 years. Initially drawn to Ayahuasca, I felt a deep sense of caution and a belief that I wasn't yet "ready" for such profound work. I honored this intuition, patience being a virtue I am growing as I transition into Wisdom Years. As I contemplated Ayahuasca, I felt both intrigue and fear, prompting me to slow down, build a foundation, and seek guidance. I share this part of my experience because I want to encourage all who are interested in this profound work to honor their intuition. It is okay to go at your own pace and to work with medicines you feel called to work with!
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I embarked on this journey by finding a trusted guide with genuine experience and a holistic approach in working with these medicines. Over the past 2 1/2 years, our work has encompassed a blend of trauma-informed practices, shamanic traditions, Buddhist philosophies, and somatic approaches. With an emphasize on respecting for both indigenous wisdom and plant medicines, Psilocybin emerged as a natural next step.
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During this process, I have addressed specific areas of trauma and gained new tools for understanding more general emotional and psychological patterns. My experiences with Psilocybin have been profoundly supportive and insightful.
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Psilocybin has enriched my relationship and supported me through life stage transitions and shadow work. I hold deep respect for plant medicines, also (perhaps more appropriately) referred to as "Spirit Medicines." It is a great honor for me to support others in their personal and relational journeys with these spirit allies.
Professional
I am pleased to offer professional guidance for couples interested in exploring the use of psilocybin to strengthen their relationship. In this work, I am honored to collaborate with Dara del Rio and Coulter Stone from Neo-Shamanic Healing Arts. Dara and Coulter are trusted facilitators and ceremonialists specializing in plant medicine. Their professionalism and expertise in this field are exemplary.
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Together, Dara, Coulter, and myself provide a unique opportunity to support your partnership and spiritual exploration. Dara and Coulter specialize in leading transformative ceremonies and expertly working with plant medicines, bringing a wealth of experience and deep understanding to this sacred practice. As a certified couples therapist, my focus lies in leveraging my extensive expertise in therapeutic support and relationship dynamics. Through our collaborative efforts, we will help you define your goals, identify potential challenges, and ensure you feel adequately prepared for and supported during and after this transformative experience. [I want to highlight here that while, Dara, Coulter, and myself have seen and believe in the transformative nature of ceremonial work work plant medicines, we do emphasize intentional preparation as well as intentional and practical integration strategies for maintaining changes that may arise during ceremony.]
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You have three options for how I can assist you in preparing for your plant medicine journey:
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Exploratory Sessions: If you're uncertain about using plant medicines, we can start with regular couples therapy sessions. Over time, we can decide if incorporating plant medicine is a suitable next step.
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Tailored Preparation, Ceremony Presence, After-Ceremony Integration: If you're committed to this path, our sessions will be tailored to prepare you for the ceremony. I can join you during the ceremony, if desired, to offer direct support, and then follow up with integration sessions afterward.
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Pre-Ceremony Support, After-Ceremony Integration: Alternatively, I can provide guidance leading up to the ceremony but won't participate in it. I'll coordinate with Dara and Coulter to ensure continuity in our work and then offer post-ceremony integration sessions.
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My goal here is to offer a concise yet comprehensive overview of how I can assist couples (and individuals) in exploring themselves and their relationships with the aid of plant medicines. If you're intrigued by what I've shared, please reach out to schedule a free consultation. During this call, we can discuss the pros and cons of each option in greater detail based on your specific needs and concerns.
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Breaking up with Alcohol
The New Cool Thing to Do!
Personal
Breaking up with alcohol has been a transformative journey for me. Growing up in a family where alcohol was pervasive, I witnessed firsthand its destructive effects. Eventually, my parents grappled with serious addiction issues. Despite this early exposure, it took years for me to fully understand the impact it had on me.
Through my later teen years and on through life, I went through phases of drinking more and drinking less. At one point in my early 40s, I began having severe night sweats, connected with perimenopause, and an acupuncturist at the time asked if I drank red wine. At that particular time in life I was in "couple of glasses a night" phase. She said red wine was likely greatly exacerbating my night sweats and suggested I cut it out. Interestingly, I had a greater desire for the red wine at the time than I had for relief from the night sweats.
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Over time, through my 40s, I began to notice that the wine wasn't tasting very good. I was having increasing thoughts along the lines of, "I don't even like this, why am I drinking it." I guess I would say it was because "That's just what people do. We all drink at social events." I also enjoyed the slight feeling of "loosening up" a glass or two of wine provided. I kept on drinking, even though I wasn't enjoying the taste at all.
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Eventually, I did cut back more and more....as a result of different circumstances arising. Then, when I would drink alcohol, especially wine, even if just a glass, I would feel really awful the next day. This did get my attention. Now, not only was I not enjoying the taste, I was also feeling really bad, even with just drinking a small amount.
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Through a series of events, some of them uncomfortable and painful, my partner and I decided to do a trial run of, "Three months with no alcohol." During this time we stumbled upon Annie Grace's book, This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness, and Change Your Life. Wow. What a game changer. I considered myself quite well-versed in most things having to do with alcohol, given my family history, time spent around AA, Al-Anon, and professional trainings around addiction issues. I was wrong. This book had a tremendous impact on me. I learned so many things I didn't know about alcohol. Then a very interesting thing happened.
​I decided, from reading the book, to give up alcohol - completely. I imagined this would be very easy for me, since by this point I hadn't drank anything in 3 months, and even before then was only drinking a very small amount during some social outings. It was not and has not been easy. Even though Annie Grace talks about the social pressure to drink - ["Alcohol is the only drug you have to justify not using."] - I wasn't prepared for how much I would feel this pressure. I suddenly had a lot of feelings of 'standing out', being a party pooper and no fun to be with, and creating awkwardness when I was the only one not drinking in a social situation. This increased empathy for my partner, who had been on a different journey from me around alcohol. At first I was saying things like, "It's not going be that big of a deal. We just won't be drinking in these social outings anymore." It has been a big deal. It continues to be surprising to me, that even though it's been well over a year since I've drank anything, just how much discomfort I can still feel when I'm in a crowd and the one not drinking. It helps to reference back to different parts of Annie's book. Very good reminders in there.
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I do believe we as a culture, and perhaps across the globe, are just starting to move in a direction where a sober life might more readily be explored as a conscious choice. In other words, not something that happens only when "there is a problem." I consider myself among the trailblazers along these lines - choosing to stop drinking because I wasn't enjoying it any longer, and then especially because of what I learned. I don't miss alcohol, and I am happy that drinking it isn't a part of my life anymore. It is still a journey navigating the social pressures I feel around it. As a result of my experiences in this area, especially navigating pitfalls, blunders, and successes as a couple (with each of us coming from different places), I very much enjoy accompanying other couples who are ready to embark on this journey.
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Long Distance to Living Together
From Far Away to Every Day
Personal
A Year of Conversation
My partner and I met while we were both in different states. After this initial meeting, our relationship evolved over a year of countless conversations. We talked—actually through phone calls, not FaceTime or Zoom—about everything from our favorite books and movies to our deepest fears and dreams. This period was crucial as it laid the foundation of trust, understanding, and emotional connection. Despite the physical distance, our communication helped us build a strong bond.
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[A funny aside: our first spontaneous FaceTime call was unexpectedly fun. He called me, and I didn't immediately realize I was on video. Frantically trying to make myself presentable, he finally said, "You know I can see you, right?" I was so embarrassed!]
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In-Person Visits During COVID
Meeting in person for the first time was both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. We had planned a short weekend trip, but this was canceled due to the COVID shutdown. We both felt uncomfortable about air travel at that time. After further conversation, we decided on a driving visit, making the visit longer to justify the travel risks and ensure safety. This first visit was followed by additional 'longer visits.' These extended stays were filled with moments of joy, learning, and even challenges. Each visit taught us more about each other’s habits, routines, and quirks, which shorter visits wouldn't have revealed.
Discussing the Move
As our relationship progressed, we began discussing the possibility of moving in together—a monumental decision that we didn't take lightly. We had numerous conversations weighing the pros and cons, discussing practicalities like finances, space, and logistics, as well as emotional aspects like the impact on our relationship and my support network.
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The Challenges of Moving
Being the one who moved, I faced the loss of my familiar support network. Friends and family, who had been a constant source of comfort and advice, were now miles away. This was a significant adjustment. I had somehow convinced myself that because there was already so much distance with my friends due to COVID, that I'd practically already 'said goodbye.' This was very much not true. It was a huge adjustment leaving my friends and home, and it was harder than I anticipated.
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We also had to decide how to make the move. Did we want to rent a U-Haul and move together? Hire movers? Do a combination of things? In the end, we decided on a combination approach. We rented a U-Box and had it shipped, with me flying with a suitcase to get me through until my things arrived a couple of weeks later. For us, this seemed better than navigating a multi-state move driving a U-Haul!
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Living Together: The Reality
Living together full-time is very different from long visits. There was a learning curve as we adjusted to sharing a space permanently. We discovered new facets of our personalities and had to navigate issues like dividing chores, personal space, and balancing time together and apart. Over time, we've continued to realize that maintaining open, honest communication is essential to addressing concerns and conflicts.
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Personal Growth and Relationship Strengthening
This journey has not just been about our relationship; it has also been about personal growth. We both have stepped far out of our comfort zones, adapted, and learned. I continue to find strength in building a new support network and rediscovering my independence in a new setting. My partner and I are still learning to support each other better, becoming more attuned to each other's needs and boundaries.
Embracing the Journey
Looking back, our journey from long-distance dating to living together was filled with challenges, immense joy, and growth. We continue to learn the importance of patience, flexibility, and unwavering support for each other. The many facets of experiences we've navigated has strengthened our bond and prepared us for future challenges, fostering a deep sense of knowing we can face anything together.
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Practical Advice
I received two pieces of advice that still resonate with me. One person told me to plan for two years of adjustment. In other words, expect it to take two full years to start feeling settled in a new place, with new people, and in a new relationship. The second piece of advice was similar but more extended: "I think you need to plan for a five-year adjustment." When I first heard these suggestions, I thought, "No way. I'll be adjusted before then!" Turns out, they were right! It's been over three years, and I'm still adjusting!
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